i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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