You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this just has baby written all over it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
