Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
