I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
