I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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