Screwed.edu
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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