even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
