I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
