no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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