I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
