The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
