how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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