Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
