Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
