Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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