tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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