I met the friendliest cop last night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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