maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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