I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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