my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
