Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
