apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
