There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
