I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He shit in the fireplace
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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