We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
