Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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