Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't put those talents on a resume
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
