I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
