i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
