Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
