You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
