Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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