He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
