I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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