There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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