As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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