I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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