Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
