This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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