no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
