Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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