i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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