When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
