Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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