I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
