I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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