i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
