thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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