I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
