i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
