whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
