We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
