the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
