like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
